After I read All Joy and No Fun: why parents hate parenting by Jennifer Senior, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Had we really sentenced ourselves to a less than happy life? I have seen this unhappiness up close and am very aware of its long term effects on family members. Is this unhappiness inevitable? Did I simply succumb to some biological urge to reproduce when logical thought would have guided me to a more calm, predictable and happier existence? Hmmmm.... What do I know so far about parenting? Its hard. Very hard. Are there moments when I wish that it was easier? FOR SURE! Is it isolating to have 3 small children? Yes. Does my life seem like Groundhog Day? Wake up, breakfast, get dressed, C to school, R & J down for a nap, pick up C, lunch, Nap time, play time, make dinner, play, bath, bed, clean up the house, and finally sit on the couch and zone out to the TV, wash and repeat? All of this intermixed with unadulterated fatigue, the screams of 1 year olds and the constant negotiating of a 3 year old. That is the hard stuff, what about the good stuff?
I LOVE my children. They have given me a sense of purpose that I have never felt before. Before I had children I had a great career as an Advanced Practice Nurse, Masters Degree, blah, blah... but I never felt fulfilled. My job occupied my time, mind etc... but I was always left with the feeling that there had to be something more to life than this. Even after great success at work or a promotion I was happy but never had the feeling or thought that wow this is it! Bliss!
Now during my day there are many moments of pure joy and absolute feelings of bliss, rapture, love, and a sense of purpose. Not just for the little ones but for our whole family. As I type this, R crawled over with a toy in his mouth smiled and did a little dance for me. I melt! My heart warms, and if I sit with this moment, tears of joy. Really! Am I a sap? Probably but who cares! One look, smile, hug from these guys is better than anything I have ever felt.
The times when it feels like too much are the times when I find myself focusing on the hard parts. And lord nows there are plenty! But what makes parenting worth it for me are those little moments through out the day that melt my heart. I can't imagine going through life without these guys, Jon included.
I read some of these articles talking about how hard it is to have children (duh!) and how parents are unhappier than those without kids - and I wonder how much of this is due to the entitlement philosophy now embraced by so many. That every moment must be happy or else whatever it is just isn't worth doing. That it's all about ME and how I feel at this very moment! LIFE is hard - having children may make some things harder, some things easier, some less fun, some more fun - but it's all short-term anyway. I look at some of these folks who are just depressed that life isn't the way it used to be before kids and wonder what they're smoking - it probably wasn't going to stay that way anyway so who's to say you're better off? OF COURSE raising children is tough - that's what makes it rewarding. Or maybe my New England work ethic is just showing through.... :o) i can't imagine my life without kids - and no not every moment is a Hallmark moment - but when they do come along they sure beat out everything else in the world. - Abby
ReplyDeleteI think you are right. Its all about expectations. If you expect it to be this pie in the sky every second is a wonderful life then you will surely be disappointed. However if you go into it knowing that you will never work harder at anything else in your life then everything else is gravy and there really is a lot of gravy:)
ReplyDeleteAnd as Mom reminded me:
ReplyDelete"Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."
Abraham Lincoln
-Abby
Gotta love Abe!
ReplyDeleteLove this post! I've concluded for myself that life would be A LOT easier without kids and there would be some definite benefits (like TRAVEL), but I know myself. I would walk through life without making any meaningful connections because life would be about comfort and relationships are not comfortable. No thanks! I'll take my early mornings and mundane routines for the chance to love deeply and without reservation.
ReplyDeleteWell said Mommypotamus! And thank you for the great comment, you have made my MONTH!
ReplyDeleteI had four kids, my daughter at the age of 18, young I know, she is now 41, Nick 37, Michael 35 and my baby 30. I took parenting seriously even at my young age, God gave them to me to love and raise in the right way. I so miss them being little and always will, I loved being a mom. Did I miss things, yes, but my babies more than made up for it.
ReplyDeleteI know these days are so busy and hectic but I know I will be sad when they are big:)
ReplyDelete