Today Jaima is here with a great post on the sometimes hard reality of the holidays. Take it away girl!
There's something I haven't shared with very many people (if any) outside of my in-real-life family and friends. It's something that causes a daily mental and emotional battle. I hadn't planned on sharing it at all, but it's been on my heart and it's only fair that I be transparent for you.
I write a lot about family, because it honestly is the most important thing to me, but it may shock you to hear that I haven't spoke to my father in over seven months. Yep, the father I gave up my whole life in Connecticut for in effort to take care of him in Tennessee after The Accident. Without going in to a whole lot of details and whys, lets just say it has been a rough few months.
I saw him and his new wife and step-daughter at a Christmas party this weekend for his side of the family. We didn't speak, or even meet eyes. It was awkward. And uncomfortable. And it made me angry that Mom isn't here and that all of this had to happen in the first place. I would've given anything to go to the same party 2 years ago, a mere 10 days before she and CJ were taken. Alas, I know because of my faith that everything happens for a reason.
I write all of this because I know a lot of people have awkward holiday festivities that they must attend. Be it your crazy mother-in-law, a cousin twice-removed, or anyone. I want to know how YOU deal with having to see and face difficult people?
Thanks Jaima for this very honest post. I know how hard this is for you and you always seem to handle it with grace. Your mom is SO proud I'm sure.
You are so brave with your honesty. I struggle so much being polite with my father all year round, that the holidays are even harder. My mom passed the day I brought my oldest home from the hospital. Without going into detail, my Dad has let me down so often since. I try hard to model behavior for my children, and I think that is the only way I make it through. If I don't think about them watching or listening, I think I would lose it and scream at him all the ways my mother would be disappointed in him and his childish behavior for the last 7 1/2 yrs. Thanks for letting me know that I am not alone with this struggle.
ReplyDeleteI don't know how you dealt with that, much less wrote a post about what happened at the accident. I lost my mother 2 years ago just before Christmas, but it was a long illness and when she dies, there was relief she was not suffering anymore. I just wrote a post about my difficult relationship I had with my mom. You can see it here, and maybe it can help at least look at your relationship with your dad a little differently.
ReplyDeletehttp://aweemeenit.blogspot.com/2011/12/even-though-she-is-no-longer-with-us.html
I pray that you and your dad can heal things in the future. God bless you and your family at this difficult time of year!
Hi Jaima,
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear of the difficulty between you and your dad.
Your loss in and of itself is beyond comprehension; I have no words! What I have learned throughout my lifetime is that everyone has different ways of mourning loss.
I don't the circumstances with your dad but I'm sure I would be full of anger if my dad remarried in a short period of time.
I think men deal with death in a different way. It doesn't mean he's forgotten you, your brother or your mom. From what I've seen, most men need someone there beside them to keep them going.
My prayer for you is that God will cover you and your family with his Grace over the days and weeks to come and that he will miraculously heal the bridge that has come between the two of you.
Blessings ~ Shelly
Hi Jaima,
ReplyDeleteThis is the first time I have heard your story and I am a new follower to The Three Boys Blog, but I felt strongly about commenting on your recent post. I have lost my entire family. My 19 year old brother (my only sibling died in an accident when I was 15. 4 years later my Mom,who was also my best friend, died in a horrible accident that I witnessed when I was 19. My Dad died unexpectedly several years later at the age of 59. I have the same philospohy as you that, "sometimes God brings pain to your life so that you can bring Him glory through your life." However, we differ in one aspect...PlEASE talk to your Dad. I don't know why the silence was brought on, or who did what, but it doesn't matter. You don't have to apologize or even show affection toward him, just talk to him. As you know, life is too short to hold grudges or to waste time. I would give anything to have a conversation with my Dad. Don't regret today, what you may not have tomorrow....
God Bless,
Becki
Thank you all for your sweet comments and prayers. They are the only thing that has gotten me through the past couple of years.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear your story, Becki. I practically witnessed their accident too, I had just hung up the phone with my brother, and in less than 5 minutes, I drove up on the scene. I assure you that I have tried to talk to my dad, but sometimes you just have to stop setting yourself up for more hurt.
Again, thank you ALL!!! XOXO!
Hi Jaima,
ReplyDeleteWell done on posting about this difficult situation in such an honest & articulate fashion. I don't know the details but it's your Dad's job to step up & make things right, it doesn't matter how old you are or who is in the wrong - he is an adult too. He, more than anyone, knows how much you have already lost.
I have a truly horrible mother, & it has taken me a long time to realise I am not responsible for her behaviour, nor do I deserve it. Remaining resentful only punishes myself. This year we are choosing to not spend time with family & it's associated drama, & already I feel so much lighter!
Hugs to you
xx
With the Holiday season coming closer, I am glad to read here and there that I am not the only one who is avoiding family. I haven't spoken to my parents since February, apart from a phone call in July to tell them I was coming to pick up the rest of my stuff stored at their house the next day. My dad just said I am a horrible woman and an unfit mother, and I do not take care of my children, that is why my mother has to do it (she actively meddles with the education of my children even going to my son's school trying to get him to study different subjects). The next day was pretty silent as my dad's sister had just died. Anyway, since 11 years my mother and my ex gang up together against me. It is a nightmare for me to live in this constant conflict situation, and my children suffer. They don't understand. So this Xmas (my turn to have the kids) I am travelling with them for 6 days, far away from my family. To relax and recharge our batteries. It is really hard when you never have the support of your family, no encouragement, no compliments, just negativity and criticism. And always doubting your abilities as a parent and a woman. I wish everyone a happy Christmas with people who are positive.
ReplyDeleteDear Jaima,
ReplyDeleteI was not aware of your terrible loss until today. I also beleive that your mother is looking down and smiling at your strength and courage in dealing with the struggles with your father. It is true, everything happens for a reason, only One knows the plan, we must have faith. I wish for you, and your family, love and healing this holiday, and in the coming year.